Dear Diary: December 2021

Dear Diary… 

December 1st, 2021

Dear Diary,

1:00pm: I saw a Buick Enclave!!!!!! I’ve never seen one before except in commercials, so this is a historic moment for me. I was on my way to class when I saw it, and I got so excited I nearly rear-ended it. I will forever remember this moment. 

December 3rd, 2021

Dear Disry,

11:00pm: I am never playing Minecraft again. After playing for 13 hours straight, I finally found diamonds!! And then I fell into lava while running away from a creeper. I am devistated and will never recover from this loss. This is worse than when my cat died.

December 11th, 2021

Dear Diary,

9:00am: Even though today is Saturday I decided to get up early. I regret it immediately. I’m going back to bed.

1:00pm: Now this is a good time to get up on a Saturday. For breakfast I made toaster waffles, but they got stuck in the toaster and burned. I’m having untoasted bread instead. 

December 12th, 2021

Dear Diary,

12:00pm: I accidentally slept through church, so I guess I have to do extra communion next week to make up for it. Grandma says I missed a great sermon on the dangers of not praying regularly or something. She recorded it for me, but her thumb was covering the camera on her iPad so I can’t see the priest’s PowerPoint. 

December 15th, 2021

Dear Diary,

1:00pm: I haven’t seen that Buick Enclave again since that awesome day. I’ve been taking the same route to class every day so I can see it again, but I don’t know if I ever will. I hope it wasn’t just a hallucination.

8:00pm: I spent 20 minutes pressing the volume button on the TV remote, but it wasn’t working. Then I realized I was holding the DVD player remote.

December 20th, 2021

Dear Diary,

10:00pm: Me and my Facebook group, New Age Witches of the Midwest, are getting ready to do a sacred ritual for the solstice. I finally got to meet Witch Susan! She and I have been trading essential oil mixes for the past few weeks, but we never met face to face before. She looks different than her profile picture though. In her picture she looks like Taylor Swift in a pointy hat, but irl she looks a lot like that guy who licks grapes at Kroger’s.

December 21st, 2021

Dear Diary,

12:00am: The ritual has started! First we take our shoes off, then we dance in a circle around the giant tree stump that used to be a real tree until it was struck by lightning. Witch Carrie Anne says that we use this tree stump because it was used as a hanging tree back in the day. She says all the souls trapped here give it its power.

1:00am: The ritual was a success! I don’t know what was supposed to happen, but after Grand Witch Alisha put the knife in the cow heart, we drank a gross type of wine. Everyone drank it, and is saying that the ritual worked, so I’ll take their word for it. My face feels funny.

December 23rd, 2021

Dear Diary,

1:00pm: I accidentally slept through the last two days. My head hurts a lot, but I’ve got finals today so I have to go to class. The only thing that could make today good is if I see that Buick Enclave again.

December 24th, 2021

Dear Diary,

11:00am: Today is Chriatms Eve!!!!!!!! I love Christmas so much! I asked Santa for a pony, but Dad says I’m not going to get one. 

December 31st, 2021

Dear Diary,

11:00am: I spent thirty minutes trying to jam my car key in the front door, wondering why it wasn’t working.

12:00pm: I put the dogs outside, but when I went to get them back inside, Lucille was next door trying to eat the neighbor’s recycling, and Sydney was across the street eating the snow in the neighbor’s yard.